*sigh*
In exactly 3 weeks and a couple hours, I will be on a bus heading toward Gainesville, Georgia, where I will be shuttled to Amicalola State Park to begin the hike up the 8-mile approach trail to Springer Mountain. This is to some extent what is going through my head:
What in the world am I doing??
I don't know what I'm doing. I'm ready to go only because I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I stayed. It's a weird feeling. And thoughts of being worthless are continuously running through my head.....I feel like I will never accomplish anything significant in my life because I don't know how to use what I have. I can get A's in school, I can get a degree, I can play a few instruments, I can thread a movie, and that's about it. And I feel like I don't know what to do because I feel like I am losing the most significant part of my life, and that is my relationship with God. I am realizing more and more that I am slipping, and the more I slip, the more I realize I am nothing without Him. I really don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know what defines me. I feel like I often just adapt myself and become what everyone around me wants me to be. That's kind of scary.
I don't know who I am.
And I'm leaving in 3 weeks.
Arg.
What in the world am I doing??
I don't know what I'm doing. I'm ready to go only because I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I stayed. It's a weird feeling. And thoughts of being worthless are continuously running through my head.....I feel like I will never accomplish anything significant in my life because I don't know how to use what I have. I can get A's in school, I can get a degree, I can play a few instruments, I can thread a movie, and that's about it. And I feel like I don't know what to do because I feel like I am losing the most significant part of my life, and that is my relationship with God. I am realizing more and more that I am slipping, and the more I slip, the more I realize I am nothing without Him. I really don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know what defines me. I feel like I often just adapt myself and become what everyone around me wants me to be. That's kind of scary.
I don't know who I am.
And I'm leaving in 3 weeks.
Arg.
4 Comments:
You are Kim. You are a child of God who, no matter how far you run, are still His. And I really do know what it is like to feel lost, but what brings me back again is knowing that all He really wants of us is to just BE. It may not seem like anything significant, but simply living, going on, and walking where He leads us is all that we need to do. We won't always feel the strong connection that you felt coming into your freshman year here. And we won't always know why we are working a "dead-end" job in a college town. I really think that you think too hard about things sometimes and end up worrying about things that are useless to worry about... even though they feel really significant. I don't mean to be "preachy", but that's how I feel about it. You are a great person because of what God does through you... whether you realize it or not. And no matter where you are, you are that person. Try not to smother that with worry and doubt no matter how imperfect you feel/think/know you are.
By
Christi Lee, at 11:24 AM
Thanks, Roommie. I love you.
By
Kimmy, at 11:42 AM
KIMMY YOURE LEAVEING IN THREE WEEKS!!!! im so jelious i wnat to go too i can't wait to meet up with you somewhere. i will do it i mean it! anyway im comming home next weekend if you wnated to hang out let me know
ps you are the coolest and have acomplished alot and have given more back to your community than most ever do
By
Ian, at 10:07 PM
Ian buddy!!!
I have made the decision I think to take my phone with me....so, just call in advance when you figure out where you want to meet me. I'll need to know quite a ways in advance, though, so I have time to get the message (I'll check messages in town, which could be up to 10 days or something) and then call you back in time for you to work out details. Can't wait! :) And thanks for the compliment. I don't know what I would do if I didn't take Philosophy 101. ;)
By
Kimmy, at 2:40 AM
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