Living Sacrifice

Monday, February 02, 2004

How much longer will I allow myself to destroy what God has created in me?

“Therefore, do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.” –Romans 6:12-14

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and please to God- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” –Romans 12:1-2

This now is my biggest struggle. Learning how to offer my body as a living sacrifice to God rather than destroying it in my attempt to gain control over something I never had control over in the first place. I think we trick ourselves into believing that we have control of our lives when really, we lose control as we try to gain it. It’s an oxymoron of some sort. The more we lose control and give it to God, the more we gain authority over our own lives, just not in the way we understand power, control, and authority. And we know, from experience, that when we give up and let God take control, everything seems to be so much more amazing, and our lives are filled with so much more joy. So why, then, do I keep choosing my way, trying to feel like I have control and yet and making my own life miserable, undesirable, and leading myself into a life of low self-esteem and self-hatred? All those things come from Satan, and I allow those things to creep into my life when I attempt to live for myself and by my own rules. It’s that infamous battle talked about by Paul in Romans 7:15-end, one of my favorite passages in the Bible because I can relate to it so well. Why do we do what we don’t want to do and don’t do what we know we should do? I can’t explain it. And how do I break free of a cycle that, to me, appears to be unbreakable? I can’t seem to get away…..kind of trapped in a cage I have created for myself. I fear for my life sometimes…..both in a physical sense and a spiritual sense. I’m afraid someday I am going to destroy my physical body beyond repair. However, I think there is still hope for me, for I am coming to a point where I can’t take it much longer. So, I am either going to have to choose to be broken by the Lord and submit to him as His servant, child, lover, and friend, or I am going to break completely away, in both a physical and spiritual sense. God help me with this.

“This is all that I can say right now
This is all that I can give
And that’s my everything.”- from the Purdue Worship CD

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