My Joblessness Continues

Well, I think I have been politely told that I didn't get the position at Barnes and Noble. I called to ask about the status of the position, and he told me they are still interviewing and that I should hear from them by Tuesday. That basically means it's not me.....because on interview #2, I was told it was between me and one other person, and now, after interview #3, I am being told there are several still to interview with Martin (#3 dude). So, I am accepting the fact that I didn't get the job, which, I have mixed emotions about.

I am crying right now, but when I sit to think about it, I don't think it is because I will not be working as cafe manager at Barnes and Noble. When I really thinking about it, deep down I don't think I really wanted the job anyway. I think what I am upset about is not knowing what to do with my life right now. For a couple weeks, I had at least something to shoot for, something to work on, something to try to achieve. It gave me a little bit of direction for a while. So it's not the job itself, it's just the idea of having some kind of security. I'm ok with not getting the job, but I'm not ok with feeling so lost.