Well, it's 3:24am and I'm still awake.....because I am not going to bed. Those nights of closing at the theater and then opening at Kofenya just don't work very well for me, so sometimes I just stay up all night beause it's just about as easy as going to bed for a few hours and risking sleeping thru my alarm. So anyway, here I am.
Christmas was amazing, but I feel a bit spoiled. I got so much stuff. Now that Christmas is over, I have been taking the liberty of buying things for myself and being completely selfish and feeling justified because most of the things I am buying are for the AT. hehe I am keeping a tally.....so far, over $800 on AT equipment and food, and it's rising quickly. I am learning that food for 5 months is expensive, as well as outdoor gear (if you want it to be good quality). But, it's all going to work great, and I'm getting super-excited about leaving. I am really struggling to get thru daily life, and I know the trail isn't going to fix that, but I feel like maybe...just maybe....if I get away to some place where I can't avoid my problems and all I have is time, then I will be forced to face some things that I have been avoiding for a long time. Maybe.
I'm also getting really excited about playing at Kofenya in February, as my list of guest musicians continues to grow. Ellen may be opening for me (haha, I may have an opener....that's funny), and Christi and Justin are in, and I think Glenn is in now (woo hoo!). Anyone else who would like to play is welcome. Micah, I know you read this.....wanna come into town on the 24th of Feb?? Been thinkin about ya a lot and how I'd do anything to hear ya play again.... :) And to see ya.
All in all, I'm just trying to survive. I feel a lot of things slipping....my attitude, my relationships, my communion with God, everything just kind of seems to be going ker-plunk, and I almost just feel like curling in a ball and giving up on life. But hiking the trail is giving me hope for something different and new....something to give me a different perspective on life and to bring myself back into a relationship with my Creator. I don't know. Maybe I'll come back exactly the same: depressed and lost and desperate for something else that I can't find. But I'm hoping not.
Lord, please prepare me for my trip, to see You and love You in a new way, to be real, and to learn to love myself so I can love others.
Life is hard sometimes. But I'm still here. Still going.
"give me strength to find the road that's lost in me
give me time to heal and build myself a dream
give me eyes to see the world surrounding me
give me strength to be only me" -OTR
Christmas was amazing, but I feel a bit spoiled. I got so much stuff. Now that Christmas is over, I have been taking the liberty of buying things for myself and being completely selfish and feeling justified because most of the things I am buying are for the AT. hehe I am keeping a tally.....so far, over $800 on AT equipment and food, and it's rising quickly. I am learning that food for 5 months is expensive, as well as outdoor gear (if you want it to be good quality). But, it's all going to work great, and I'm getting super-excited about leaving. I am really struggling to get thru daily life, and I know the trail isn't going to fix that, but I feel like maybe...just maybe....if I get away to some place where I can't avoid my problems and all I have is time, then I will be forced to face some things that I have been avoiding for a long time. Maybe.
I'm also getting really excited about playing at Kofenya in February, as my list of guest musicians continues to grow. Ellen may be opening for me (haha, I may have an opener....that's funny), and Christi and Justin are in, and I think Glenn is in now (woo hoo!). Anyone else who would like to play is welcome. Micah, I know you read this.....wanna come into town on the 24th of Feb?? Been thinkin about ya a lot and how I'd do anything to hear ya play again.... :) And to see ya.
All in all, I'm just trying to survive. I feel a lot of things slipping....my attitude, my relationships, my communion with God, everything just kind of seems to be going ker-plunk, and I almost just feel like curling in a ball and giving up on life. But hiking the trail is giving me hope for something different and new....something to give me a different perspective on life and to bring myself back into a relationship with my Creator. I don't know. Maybe I'll come back exactly the same: depressed and lost and desperate for something else that I can't find. But I'm hoping not.
Lord, please prepare me for my trip, to see You and love You in a new way, to be real, and to learn to love myself so I can love others.
Life is hard sometimes. But I'm still here. Still going.
"give me strength to find the road that's lost in me
give me time to heal and build myself a dream
give me eyes to see the world surrounding me
give me strength to be only me" -OTR
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