Relationships

You would think that after living for 23 and a half years on this earth and constantly being around people that I would have a better understanding of relationships and how to interact. But you know.....I struggle. As Vir pointed out, I don't express emotions much....I hold everything in. And it not only affects me, but it affects the other people in my relationships.

I think this has a lot to do with my family life. Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE my family, and I think my parents did a heck of a job raising 4 kids. They couldn't have done better. But I think maybe our house lacked some open communication....a lack of emotional expression.....and so I haven't really learned exactly how to overcome the social walls and barriers I have been building over the years. Sometimes I feel like I have some HUGE walls.

So anyway, this leads up to some hang-out time I had with Megan yesterday. I just want to say that it was AMAZING, and that God's love just pours out of that girl. We played basketball and talked. I felt comfortable talking to her about some things that I haven't really talked to anyone about, and she listened so well, and had some really encouraging words for me. She's more than I can express in words, and sometimes I wonder how in the world I get such great friends who love me so much. I just don't understand it sometimes. No matter how crappy I am, they still love me and are willing to work through things with me. My friends have grace for me......maybe that's what I have trouble understanding. Grace.

I have also become aware (or rather, more aware, because I knew before, it's just more acute now) of how I hurt my friends by not keeping in touch better. People call me, and I often take days to call them back, or don't call them at all. It's the same with my parents....I don't really keep in touch. It's not that I don't love my friends. In fact, I don't really know why I don't keep in touch better.....I guess I get lazy or too self-centered. So, I am working on being a better friend in that way. I kind of picked a bad time, since I am leaving in a little over a week, but I hope to keep in touch some while on the trail as well, and then work on it really hard when I get back.

So, I have had relationships on the brain lately. Working through some things. Learning in the process. It's hard sometimes. But what isn't? And the end result is always worth the effort. My friends and family are amazing. I'm so thankful.