Never have I felt so lost and low.....well, I probably have, but this feels awful. I just went to meet with an academic advisor.....I don't know what I was expecting. I guess I was expecting him to play God and give me direction. Or maybe I was expecting him to say "hey, here's an idea. Maybe you should try this...go this way." But instead, I got nothing. After talking to him, I feel like I've wasted 4 years of my life. He basically told me that if I'm not sure what I want to do, I'm definitely not ready for grad school (which I agree, but then it leaves me with WHAT THE CRAP DO I DO FROM HERE??) I have no direction, no aspirations, no idea what the heck I'm doing. I really almost started crying in his office. I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm taking classes I care nothing about, I will probably end up getting a job that pays less than a job I could have gotten WITHOUT a college education, I hate myself, and I feel like I have completely lost God. I have lost hope for my life. As soon as I left the office of the advisor, the tears just started streaming, and I had to go into the bathroom so I could cry. I'm crying now. What the heck has happened to my life? Everything is falling apart. Still crying. Never ever did I imagine I would ever feel so lost and worthless in my life. I remember getting voted in school as "the most likely to succeed" among many other things.....and here I am, hating school and probably going to have to just find some random job that I hate because I don't know what else to do with my life.

Well, there's no one here to talk to, to cry with, so I had to write this out to at least feel like I got it out. Sorry for dumping it on whoever reads this.

Gotta go to Hamilton to drop off a book. Life goes on.