Good to be home again. The drive home was dark and yucky, but I had about 3 hours to just think about things. I have several things on my mind, so I'm going to try to tie them all together for one blog. hehe
First of all, I was listening to all different types of music in the car, and it made me realize what a passion I have for music. I'm not really great at any one instrument, but I love to play just about anything, and I can listen to whatever you put before me (unless it's full of cuss words and dirty stuff). I don't really know what to do with that....I always said I was jealous of people who had a passion and knew exactly what they wanted to do with their lives and that I had no direction and no goals and no passions. But, truth is, I do have a passion...two, in fact. The main one, of course, is Jesus, and the other is music...but I don't see making a career out of either..they are just parts of my life, and so I still have no goals or direction. lol
Anyway, with the music thing, a few songs came on that reminded me of specific times with specific people, and I just couldn't help but smile. I love how music can do that...take you back in time to some great memories. Also, I noticed a theme in most of the music, regardless of style......LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS. Funny how that always seems to come up in music....maybe because it seems to be the revolving point of life. We all seek love and relationships. Guys were singing about how girls hurt them, or how they couldn't live without her, or how she was the purpose of his life. I didn't pay much attention to the girl songs, and in fact, seems like guys dominant a lot of the music realm anyway.
OK, so tying in with the relationship thing and also with memories of the past from the music, I started thinking about all my relationships I've had with guys. I've dated quite a wide variety, from the sweetest, most gentle to the hard-butt, wrestling type. Funny thing is, in almost every single relationship, I have been the one to terminate it. I've been trying to figure out what that means. I've thrown away some incredible relationships. Underneath everything, am I afraid of committment? Or am I afraid of allowing someone to know me completely? I don't really know. I get in the relationships, then I get out. hmmmmm. I really do want to have a husband someday....I have a desire for relationships. But I can't make things work, or I can't do the right things. Then, somehow, all of this always comes back to my self-image. Seems like everything does that somehow. Somehow. I just can't seem to get away from it. Wherever I go, BAM! There it is again.
So, anyway, I'm sure this isn't the best blog I've ever had, but it's kind of like my mind right now....full and jumbled, non-linear I guess you could say. Some themes, some randomness. Guess that's me. :)
First of all, I was listening to all different types of music in the car, and it made me realize what a passion I have for music. I'm not really great at any one instrument, but I love to play just about anything, and I can listen to whatever you put before me (unless it's full of cuss words and dirty stuff). I don't really know what to do with that....I always said I was jealous of people who had a passion and knew exactly what they wanted to do with their lives and that I had no direction and no goals and no passions. But, truth is, I do have a passion...two, in fact. The main one, of course, is Jesus, and the other is music...but I don't see making a career out of either..they are just parts of my life, and so I still have no goals or direction. lol
Anyway, with the music thing, a few songs came on that reminded me of specific times with specific people, and I just couldn't help but smile. I love how music can do that...take you back in time to some great memories. Also, I noticed a theme in most of the music, regardless of style......LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS. Funny how that always seems to come up in music....maybe because it seems to be the revolving point of life. We all seek love and relationships. Guys were singing about how girls hurt them, or how they couldn't live without her, or how she was the purpose of his life. I didn't pay much attention to the girl songs, and in fact, seems like guys dominant a lot of the music realm anyway.
OK, so tying in with the relationship thing and also with memories of the past from the music, I started thinking about all my relationships I've had with guys. I've dated quite a wide variety, from the sweetest, most gentle to the hard-butt, wrestling type. Funny thing is, in almost every single relationship, I have been the one to terminate it. I've been trying to figure out what that means. I've thrown away some incredible relationships. Underneath everything, am I afraid of committment? Or am I afraid of allowing someone to know me completely? I don't really know. I get in the relationships, then I get out. hmmmmm. I really do want to have a husband someday....I have a desire for relationships. But I can't make things work, or I can't do the right things. Then, somehow, all of this always comes back to my self-image. Seems like everything does that somehow. Somehow. I just can't seem to get away from it. Wherever I go, BAM! There it is again.
So, anyway, I'm sure this isn't the best blog I've ever had, but it's kind of like my mind right now....full and jumbled, non-linear I guess you could say. Some themes, some randomness. Guess that's me. :)
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