Wow, so I’m really on a journey. Sometimes I love life, and sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I’m in love with people, and sometimes I just don’t want anything to do with them. The ups and downs of life….I’m experiencing them. Sometimes I just want to cry, sometimes I laugh and laugh. This is life.
I just feel like I have experienced so much the last week or so, and so many things are becoming so real to me, and I really think that God is starting to work in me because I am giving Him the opportunity. I mean, it’s gradual, because I’m gradual….only allowing the Lord in a little at a time. I feel like I have been away for so long. Where, I don’t really know. But I just feel like I’ve been away. And I feel that now, I am slowly being drawn back in, and that God is starting to show me things, good and bad, things that are blessings, and things that are a part of my past that are strongholds that I really need to face.
Sunday afternoon, I had the opportunity to talk with Bill, and he addressed the issue of unbelief and obedience. It really hit home with me. He is a great encouragement to me, and I’m glad that God has allowed me the opportunity to get to know him as a friend and brother in Christ. Through conversations, songs, and events of this week, I have also been consistently reminded that life is fragile and that, though it is said all the time, we really do take life for granted. I believe it is Biblical to live life day by day, and it’s been made apparent to me that I don’t do that. I just live life for tomorrow, waiting for something to happen, waiting for today to end, waiting for some moment that isn’t going to come because today is today and will never be again! And the Lord gives us opportunities to love every day. Today.
Also (yes, there is more!), I’ve been going through pregnancy counseling training in Middletown this week, and it is really blowing me out of the water. Girls who come into pregnancy centers are not simply coming with just the issue of whether they are pregnant or not. They are coming in with a very high likelihood of a childhood of abuse, with possible baggage from previous abortions, with weights on their mind that I can’t even imagine….parents who will reject them, churches who might not accept them, boyfriends who will beat them if they don’t have an abortion, a life of wanting so much to be loved and trying to fill that void will sex. I’m excited about the opportunity God has given me to minister to these girls, but also anxious about the situations I will encounter, the times when I might not know what to say…..and I know God will give me the strength, but there will be times when I talk to a girl and she will still go and decide to get an abortion, and I will have to deal with that, and also know that she is adding to her baggage and chains rather than making things easier. And, surprising to me, this counseling has also been ministering to ME about my sexual purity and integrity, and really been bringing up some issues in me. And it has made me totally aware of the importance of sexual purity and the beauty of sex in marriage, making me appreciate it even more that I did before. I’m really humbled and convicted about some things I’ve done. And God is taking me to a new level, and making me want to really commit this part of my life to Him.
OK, so I’m still going. One more thing that was really important that God has shown me this week that I think I knew before but just didn’t really know is that I have completely been living my life for man and man’s attention and approval. This is my confession. Even things that should be for God seem to have some way been for man. And when I say man, I mean people in general, but really, especially MEN. I have a serious problem. And I think God is going to help me deal with this. My weight, my appearance, and my past have a lot to do with it, but I live for approval, and instead, I want to live to please God! In all ways. That’s hard, and I know I will never be perfected in this, but I can certainly be better than I am right now. Because living life for man only leads to disappointment, and I think that might be one of many reasons I get so depressed all the time. I allow others to affect my mood so much, especially when I feel they are rejecting me (even though, in reality, in most cases they are not). And, even if they are, I need to learn to just deal with the fact that I AM going to be rejected by some people, and I can’t let it affect me so much as I have allowed it to in the past.
Whew, that’s a lot of stuff. I need to write more often! *grin* Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Any comments for discernment, encouragement, confrontation about sins/misperceptions….whatever….are welcome!
I just feel like I have experienced so much the last week or so, and so many things are becoming so real to me, and I really think that God is starting to work in me because I am giving Him the opportunity. I mean, it’s gradual, because I’m gradual….only allowing the Lord in a little at a time. I feel like I have been away for so long. Where, I don’t really know. But I just feel like I’ve been away. And I feel that now, I am slowly being drawn back in, and that God is starting to show me things, good and bad, things that are blessings, and things that are a part of my past that are strongholds that I really need to face.
Sunday afternoon, I had the opportunity to talk with Bill, and he addressed the issue of unbelief and obedience. It really hit home with me. He is a great encouragement to me, and I’m glad that God has allowed me the opportunity to get to know him as a friend and brother in Christ. Through conversations, songs, and events of this week, I have also been consistently reminded that life is fragile and that, though it is said all the time, we really do take life for granted. I believe it is Biblical to live life day by day, and it’s been made apparent to me that I don’t do that. I just live life for tomorrow, waiting for something to happen, waiting for today to end, waiting for some moment that isn’t going to come because today is today and will never be again! And the Lord gives us opportunities to love every day. Today.
Also (yes, there is more!), I’ve been going through pregnancy counseling training in Middletown this week, and it is really blowing me out of the water. Girls who come into pregnancy centers are not simply coming with just the issue of whether they are pregnant or not. They are coming in with a very high likelihood of a childhood of abuse, with possible baggage from previous abortions, with weights on their mind that I can’t even imagine….parents who will reject them, churches who might not accept them, boyfriends who will beat them if they don’t have an abortion, a life of wanting so much to be loved and trying to fill that void will sex. I’m excited about the opportunity God has given me to minister to these girls, but also anxious about the situations I will encounter, the times when I might not know what to say…..and I know God will give me the strength, but there will be times when I talk to a girl and she will still go and decide to get an abortion, and I will have to deal with that, and also know that she is adding to her baggage and chains rather than making things easier. And, surprising to me, this counseling has also been ministering to ME about my sexual purity and integrity, and really been bringing up some issues in me. And it has made me totally aware of the importance of sexual purity and the beauty of sex in marriage, making me appreciate it even more that I did before. I’m really humbled and convicted about some things I’ve done. And God is taking me to a new level, and making me want to really commit this part of my life to Him.
OK, so I’m still going. One more thing that was really important that God has shown me this week that I think I knew before but just didn’t really know is that I have completely been living my life for man and man’s attention and approval. This is my confession. Even things that should be for God seem to have some way been for man. And when I say man, I mean people in general, but really, especially MEN. I have a serious problem. And I think God is going to help me deal with this. My weight, my appearance, and my past have a lot to do with it, but I live for approval, and instead, I want to live to please God! In all ways. That’s hard, and I know I will never be perfected in this, but I can certainly be better than I am right now. Because living life for man only leads to disappointment, and I think that might be one of many reasons I get so depressed all the time. I allow others to affect my mood so much, especially when I feel they are rejecting me (even though, in reality, in most cases they are not). And, even if they are, I need to learn to just deal with the fact that I AM going to be rejected by some people, and I can’t let it affect me so much as I have allowed it to in the past.
Whew, that’s a lot of stuff. I need to write more often! *grin* Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Any comments for discernment, encouragement, confrontation about sins/misperceptions….whatever….are welcome!
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