OK, in all seriousness, I can't get this off my mind. I have gained 50 pounds since I came to school, about 25 from just last semester. I weigh more than my dad.....something is wrong here! I really want to do something about my eating habits and my self-perception. It's all I think about. I'm just not ok with myself. I haven't been ok with myself for several years, and it stinks. My weight has fluctuated 75 pounds over the past 4 and a half years. Some people talk about their weight and know exactly how much they weigh because they've weighed the same for years. I want that. I want to be where I should be with no more of this fluctuating up and down and having no idea where my body wants me to be. I don't even know what it means to have normal eating, a normal appetite, and a normal, constant weight anymore. And, even with all that said, it's like my eating isn't the real issue. So I feel so trapped because I can never really nail the real issue. So the cycle just continues its course.

Anyway, enough of my whining. I had to get it off my chest, though. On other notes, I've had a couple crazy dreams the past few nights. Last night, while I was stealing something with a group of people, a big bloody chunk of my neck was shot off by a police officer (weird), and then a couple nights ago I ended up kissing Johnny Depp! *laugh* That one still makes me laugh. It's all because of that stupid Charlie and the Chocolate Factory poster hanging in the lobby of the theater (if you didn't know, Johnny Depp is playing Willie Wonka). No, I do not have an obsession with Johnny Depp, and to all you Freudians out there, it is not a subconscious desire of mine to kiss Johnny Depp. For the most part (but definitely not always), I believe dreams are just random elements we run into throughout the day that get jumbled together when we sleep, often giving us comic relief. hehe Hence, the poster. So, I don't want to hear about how I have some kind of secret desire for Johnny Depp.