Today was sort of odd. Good and bad in some ways. I did a ton of shopping today for the AT. I feel like I'm getting somewhere with my food stuffs and my gear. It's really hard to pack 5 months worth of food, because it's hard to convince myself to buy so much food at one time.....it just seems like "wow, I really don't need this much" but then I get home and can only make a few meals out of the stuff. Then I realize......THIS IS FOR FIVE MONTHS. Wow. So, I keep buying groceries in spurts.
In between shopping, I went to the women's center, which was fine. Neither of my clients showed up, so I spent time talking to the director, Sue, and filling out files on the computer. I also had to stay for a meeting at 4:30, which I totally forgot about, but it worked out fine. I left there at 6, got dressed for Kofenya, and went in.
At Kofenya, I found out it was my last night there. Yeah. I didn't know until I went in. It was a little emotionally unsettling. See, I talked to Liz and Nicole about leaving soon, within the next week or two, but only if it was convenient for them and wasn't going to cause them extra hassle, which they said it wasn't, since Chad (who's taking over for me) graduated in December and is ready to go. Well, somewhere along the way, there was some miscommunication, and they thought I wanted to be done RIGHT NOW I guess.....and so, at 7pm, while working, I found out it was my last night. .... .... .... That was what my brain did for a while. Huh. Wow. Weird. Hmmm. Those were my thoughts. I almost cried a couple times just, well, for a lot of reasons I guess. I felt a little rejected...unwanted....but I know it was my own doing, so I can't think things like that. I also realized that my life is going to go thru some significant changes over the next few weeks, which requires leaving a lot of things that are comforting to me...and familiar. That's kind of hard to swallow, especially when it relates to my relationships. Wow, which I REALLY stink at, by the way. I thought about that today, too.....MAN, I'm horrible at relationships.
But anyway, the night did get better. I worked with two really great peeps, and I had a few visitors. After work, Megan, Jared, and I went over to watch Glory Road, which was a decent flick. I enjoyed it. From there, it was off to my place to go for a walk, during which I was totally freaked out because my friends kindly reminded me of the recent rape(s) in Oxford.....girls at gunpoint so I've heard. Horrible. Just horrible. So, I'm walking around in the dark at 3 in the morning, thinking that every bush, shadow, trash can and fire hydrant is an evil, sick man waiting to pounce on me with a gun held to my head. Not a good feeling. I was suspicious about ever car...they all seemed to be lurking around....staring at me.....I was definitely freaking myself out. One time, I even ran off into someone's yard by a creek to hide because I thought one car had turned around to come back by me. They had swerved to point their lights at me and had their flashers on, but kept going....but then I thought I saw their lights as they turned back around. I bolted into a stranger's yard. It was a false alarm. Man, I hate fear. I don't want to live in it. It stinks.
So, now I am officially employed regularly at one job. The true and steadfast love of my life. The Princess. Oh, what will I do without it when I leave? Sad. I also hope to go in and talk to Rita to pick up more subbing hours.
Lots of things on my mind tonight. Could be why I am still up at 6am in the morning. *sigh* But things are not all so gloomy. I have a lot of cool things going on in my life now, too. Lots of things I am looking forward to. I just need to learn to take it one step at a time.
Wow, if you are still reading, you are my blog-reading hero. This was a really long post. To end it, I will just say that it is thundering, lightening, and raining like crazy outside at 6am in the middle of January. Sweet.
In between shopping, I went to the women's center, which was fine. Neither of my clients showed up, so I spent time talking to the director, Sue, and filling out files on the computer. I also had to stay for a meeting at 4:30, which I totally forgot about, but it worked out fine. I left there at 6, got dressed for Kofenya, and went in.
At Kofenya, I found out it was my last night there. Yeah. I didn't know until I went in. It was a little emotionally unsettling. See, I talked to Liz and Nicole about leaving soon, within the next week or two, but only if it was convenient for them and wasn't going to cause them extra hassle, which they said it wasn't, since Chad (who's taking over for me) graduated in December and is ready to go. Well, somewhere along the way, there was some miscommunication, and they thought I wanted to be done RIGHT NOW I guess.....and so, at 7pm, while working, I found out it was my last night. .... .... .... That was what my brain did for a while. Huh. Wow. Weird. Hmmm. Those were my thoughts. I almost cried a couple times just, well, for a lot of reasons I guess. I felt a little rejected...unwanted....but I know it was my own doing, so I can't think things like that. I also realized that my life is going to go thru some significant changes over the next few weeks, which requires leaving a lot of things that are comforting to me...and familiar. That's kind of hard to swallow, especially when it relates to my relationships. Wow, which I REALLY stink at, by the way. I thought about that today, too.....MAN, I'm horrible at relationships.
But anyway, the night did get better. I worked with two really great peeps, and I had a few visitors. After work, Megan, Jared, and I went over to watch Glory Road, which was a decent flick. I enjoyed it. From there, it was off to my place to go for a walk, during which I was totally freaked out because my friends kindly reminded me of the recent rape(s) in Oxford.....girls at gunpoint so I've heard. Horrible. Just horrible. So, I'm walking around in the dark at 3 in the morning, thinking that every bush, shadow, trash can and fire hydrant is an evil, sick man waiting to pounce on me with a gun held to my head. Not a good feeling. I was suspicious about ever car...they all seemed to be lurking around....staring at me.....I was definitely freaking myself out. One time, I even ran off into someone's yard by a creek to hide because I thought one car had turned around to come back by me. They had swerved to point their lights at me and had their flashers on, but kept going....but then I thought I saw their lights as they turned back around. I bolted into a stranger's yard. It was a false alarm. Man, I hate fear. I don't want to live in it. It stinks.
So, now I am officially employed regularly at one job. The true and steadfast love of my life. The Princess. Oh, what will I do without it when I leave? Sad. I also hope to go in and talk to Rita to pick up more subbing hours.
Lots of things on my mind tonight. Could be why I am still up at 6am in the morning. *sigh* But things are not all so gloomy. I have a lot of cool things going on in my life now, too. Lots of things I am looking forward to. I just need to learn to take it one step at a time.
Wow, if you are still reading, you are my blog-reading hero. This was a really long post. To end it, I will just say that it is thundering, lightening, and raining like crazy outside at 6am in the middle of January. Sweet.
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