I'm realizing that when you don't conform to society, you are treated differently. And I'm thinking that I need to start trying to fit in. I've noticed especially lately that I am treated differently when I go into public places because I am overweight and wear sweatshirts, pajama pants, and hats. I used to think I could just be myself, although I think a lot of this stems from depression, but regardless, I thought I could be myself and people would still treat me with respect. But it's not true. I am an object. I am a nobody. And I get treated that way in the stores, at my family Christmas, anywhere I go. I hate it. It makes me realize that I have to do something about how I look not only because I hate myself, but also in order to feel loved. I feel so rejected right now. And I feel alone. I don't fit in anywhere. I am tired and bitter and hateful and resentful and jealous and all the things that I shouldn't be. I want to go back 7 years in my life. I want to be normal. I want to be happy. I want my friends. I want my life where I didn't worry, where people liked me, where I did everything right and got perfect grades and was a great athlete. I'm tired of this vulnerable crap.....it's time for me to put on a face and fit in to this messed up world where I don't even belong anyway.