I'm going to have to apologize ahead of time, and I know I'm going to regret this, but I am soooo angry and upset right now, and I'm just gonna hash it out on here because that's how I feel and I want to be real. I really feel like dropping a whole line of flyin F-bombs, but I do my best not to cuss, and so I won't, but I sure feel like it.
I'm so tired of people. Especially college students. I think it was just a combination of a bunch of little things tonight that just put me over the edge. My generation is a generation of "Give it to me because I said so" and "I deserve this" and "It's all about me." By the way, all my issues tonight were with college students at the theater. First, I had a girl get all flustered at me because we charge 25 cents for a cup of water. 1, it's not my rule. 2, I can't do anything about it. 3, I don't want to hear whining. She goes to a really expensive college and she's seeing a movie. What's an extra 25 cents?!?! Next, these 3 guys came in to see a movie. One (at least that I could tell) had a bag of food from the Submarine House. Victor told them that no outside food was allowed, and they kind of mumbled and the one started shoving the food in his mouth, finishing about half of it as they continued down the hallway. I SAT THERE AND WATCHED THEM AS THEY PROCEDED RIGHT INTO THE THEATER WITH THE REST OF THE FOOD. And they saw me watchting them! How rude! And disrespectful. That's like having an attitude of "You're a piece of crap, I don't have to listen to you, and I'm going to do whatever the heck I want." Thirdly, another group of guys came in, one which I know from a French class my sophomore year here at Miami. I said hi and everything, and they went into the theater. As a side note, I have this little cup that I use to eat popcorn with. Anyway, I went to do a theater check in another theater, and I came back, and my popcorn cup was gone. I figured someone stole it, so I went into another theater and sneakily spied on the guys I thought took it. The theater smelled of alcohol. I sat and watched as they all passed dip around (NOT ALLOWED IN THE THEATER), and then stared as one of them SPIT INTO MY CUP. So....I asked for it back. Right in the middle of the movie. I said "can I have my cup back?" And they were in shock, and gave it back. Later, when I was cleaning that movie, I found not one, but two bags from the Submarine House on the floor in the front, and then a bunch of beer cans where my dipping buddies had been sitting.
I know that this all probably sounds so trivial, but I think my problem tonight was I just felt so walked on. Taken advantage of. And then I relate it all back to my appearance. I feel like because I am not attractive that people think they can just walk all over me.....even GUYS THAT I KNOW FROM CLASS WHO I THOUGHT WERE HALF-WAY DECENT PEOPLE. "If I was beautiful...." After all that happened, I went in the back hallway of the theater and cried for a while. And now I'm crying. These small things ended up making a big deal to me. I didn't want to be angry or hateful, but I was anyway.
This kind of led me to a tangent line of thinking. I'm so scared of people not liking me. I don't know why this is such a big deal to me. I feel like my friendships are so conditional. Every time I talk to a relatively new/distant friend, I am afraid that this may be the last time I talk to him because I'll say something to make him not like me. I could list a whole list of people that I'm afraid won't like me the next time I talk to them. All of them guys. Why is this? When I don't talk to someone or they don't call me, all of a sudden, it's something I've done or said or they've found someone else that they like better than me, etc. It's a horrible way to go about my day, worrying about saying the right things and doing things right to make sure my friendships last. Why? I don't know.
Not sure that is very related to the theater, but some how that's what came out. Sorry for rambling and ranting. I needed to get it out. I'm tired of feeling worthless. I'll shoot for a more optimistic post next time (there were some cool things that happened today).
I'm so tired of people. Especially college students. I think it was just a combination of a bunch of little things tonight that just put me over the edge. My generation is a generation of "Give it to me because I said so" and "I deserve this" and "It's all about me." By the way, all my issues tonight were with college students at the theater. First, I had a girl get all flustered at me because we charge 25 cents for a cup of water. 1, it's not my rule. 2, I can't do anything about it. 3, I don't want to hear whining. She goes to a really expensive college and she's seeing a movie. What's an extra 25 cents?!?! Next, these 3 guys came in to see a movie. One (at least that I could tell) had a bag of food from the Submarine House. Victor told them that no outside food was allowed, and they kind of mumbled and the one started shoving the food in his mouth, finishing about half of it as they continued down the hallway. I SAT THERE AND WATCHED THEM AS THEY PROCEDED RIGHT INTO THE THEATER WITH THE REST OF THE FOOD. And they saw me watchting them! How rude! And disrespectful. That's like having an attitude of "You're a piece of crap, I don't have to listen to you, and I'm going to do whatever the heck I want." Thirdly, another group of guys came in, one which I know from a French class my sophomore year here at Miami. I said hi and everything, and they went into the theater. As a side note, I have this little cup that I use to eat popcorn with. Anyway, I went to do a theater check in another theater, and I came back, and my popcorn cup was gone. I figured someone stole it, so I went into another theater and sneakily spied on the guys I thought took it. The theater smelled of alcohol. I sat and watched as they all passed dip around (NOT ALLOWED IN THE THEATER), and then stared as one of them SPIT INTO MY CUP. So....I asked for it back. Right in the middle of the movie. I said "can I have my cup back?" And they were in shock, and gave it back. Later, when I was cleaning that movie, I found not one, but two bags from the Submarine House on the floor in the front, and then a bunch of beer cans where my dipping buddies had been sitting.
I know that this all probably sounds so trivial, but I think my problem tonight was I just felt so walked on. Taken advantage of. And then I relate it all back to my appearance. I feel like because I am not attractive that people think they can just walk all over me.....even GUYS THAT I KNOW FROM CLASS WHO I THOUGHT WERE HALF-WAY DECENT PEOPLE. "If I was beautiful...." After all that happened, I went in the back hallway of the theater and cried for a while. And now I'm crying. These small things ended up making a big deal to me. I didn't want to be angry or hateful, but I was anyway.
This kind of led me to a tangent line of thinking. I'm so scared of people not liking me. I don't know why this is such a big deal to me. I feel like my friendships are so conditional. Every time I talk to a relatively new/distant friend, I am afraid that this may be the last time I talk to him because I'll say something to make him not like me. I could list a whole list of people that I'm afraid won't like me the next time I talk to them. All of them guys. Why is this? When I don't talk to someone or they don't call me, all of a sudden, it's something I've done or said or they've found someone else that they like better than me, etc. It's a horrible way to go about my day, worrying about saying the right things and doing things right to make sure my friendships last. Why? I don't know.
Not sure that is very related to the theater, but some how that's what came out. Sorry for rambling and ranting. I needed to get it out. I'm tired of feeling worthless. I'll shoot for a more optimistic post next time (there were some cool things that happened today).
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