Well, I'm going to give you a fair warning before you jump into this blog. This might just happen to be another doozie....might be a little extensive. I don't know. It's another one of those late night/early morning posts where I get pretty reflective with no sleep. And I'm drinking coffee, so, that makes for a deadly nightmare of a long blog I'm guessing. ;)
let me start off by saying I am currently sitting on my back porch in one of those awesome chairs that Glenn and Cathy got me for graduation. It's soooo comfy, and I have my favorite blanket across my lap. Modern technology has made it possible for me to sit outside and still be on the internet as well, which is great. So, I'm enjoying the sun as it continues to rise, and hearing all sorts of birds and beautiful things. Admiring the frost that is sparkling over the grass as the sun shines on it, and I also heard the wood pecker that was driving Glenn crazy a few months ago. hehe All of this makes me long for the trail.....to wake up and see my breath in the morning....to see the sun rise....to hear nature all around.....to be in the midst of God's creation with nothing else to distract me but my own thoughts. I'm ready to leave I think.
It's about that time for me. I feel changes coming on....the anticipation of something great and life changing, but also anticipation of hardships and times of great trial, times of stretching myself to my limits, more mentally than physically. I feel some kind of longing in my heart for something so much greater than I am living now.....a longing that makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time. And sometimes, I feel like that's what I do.
My main goal for the trip: worship and connect with God on a new level, because I have been starving myself from time with Him, and my life shows it. And though I have many other goals, I think my second goal is to find out how to love myself, becaues I feel that once I can do that, I can do anything.
By the way, I think I am going to start a club called the no-sleep club.
Other thoughts: relationships are very hard matters of life, with lots of complexity and challenges, and a lot of things that don't make sense to me. I would like to call myself by a term often used by Glenn: I am a relational mutt. And it's hard. You love, and you are bound to get hurt. There is no way getting around that. It's a matter of getting past the hurt...working thru things....that makes love possible. It just stinks sometimes.
So, I guess that's pretty much it for now. I should either get to bed, or I should go for a walk and then pack more stuff up for the trail. Can't play any music cause the little bro is still in bed. I guess here in a bit I will go for a walk for a while, think about things some more, and come back and pack more stuff as I think about more things. Yeah. A good thinking day. :) I'll be babysitting from 1:30-6, and then going to church with Justin and eating a lot of great food and communing with my "family" here in Oxford. I need to start cherishing the fine moments in my life, because these are the ones I take for granted and are the ones I will miss the most when I'm gone. Like....just saying hi to Spen or having him come in and toot in my face. Yeah, I'll miss the little things. Like hearing Glenn and Jason scream at each other while they play ping pong in the basement. Like hugging my "forever my roomie" when she comes in to work with me at my favorite place. Like looking into someone's eyes and seeing that they really care about me, and showing them that I really care about them. Like watching Doug do his impressions of all the wierd people in Oxford. Like sharing meals at house church. Like playing silly card games and smashing people's fingers when I try to slap a double. Like seeing the smiles of my amazing friends. Like getting incredible hugs from incredible people that mean the world to me. Yeah, I'll miss the little things.
"What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way"
-NIN (also performed by Johnny Cash)
let me start off by saying I am currently sitting on my back porch in one of those awesome chairs that Glenn and Cathy got me for graduation. It's soooo comfy, and I have my favorite blanket across my lap. Modern technology has made it possible for me to sit outside and still be on the internet as well, which is great. So, I'm enjoying the sun as it continues to rise, and hearing all sorts of birds and beautiful things. Admiring the frost that is sparkling over the grass as the sun shines on it, and I also heard the wood pecker that was driving Glenn crazy a few months ago. hehe All of this makes me long for the trail.....to wake up and see my breath in the morning....to see the sun rise....to hear nature all around.....to be in the midst of God's creation with nothing else to distract me but my own thoughts. I'm ready to leave I think.
It's about that time for me. I feel changes coming on....the anticipation of something great and life changing, but also anticipation of hardships and times of great trial, times of stretching myself to my limits, more mentally than physically. I feel some kind of longing in my heart for something so much greater than I am living now.....a longing that makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time. And sometimes, I feel like that's what I do.
My main goal for the trip: worship and connect with God on a new level, because I have been starving myself from time with Him, and my life shows it. And though I have many other goals, I think my second goal is to find out how to love myself, becaues I feel that once I can do that, I can do anything.
By the way, I think I am going to start a club called the no-sleep club.
Other thoughts: relationships are very hard matters of life, with lots of complexity and challenges, and a lot of things that don't make sense to me. I would like to call myself by a term often used by Glenn: I am a relational mutt. And it's hard. You love, and you are bound to get hurt. There is no way getting around that. It's a matter of getting past the hurt...working thru things....that makes love possible. It just stinks sometimes.
So, I guess that's pretty much it for now. I should either get to bed, or I should go for a walk and then pack more stuff up for the trail. Can't play any music cause the little bro is still in bed. I guess here in a bit I will go for a walk for a while, think about things some more, and come back and pack more stuff as I think about more things. Yeah. A good thinking day. :) I'll be babysitting from 1:30-6, and then going to church with Justin and eating a lot of great food and communing with my "family" here in Oxford. I need to start cherishing the fine moments in my life, because these are the ones I take for granted and are the ones I will miss the most when I'm gone. Like....just saying hi to Spen or having him come in and toot in my face. Yeah, I'll miss the little things. Like hearing Glenn and Jason scream at each other while they play ping pong in the basement. Like hugging my "forever my roomie" when she comes in to work with me at my favorite place. Like looking into someone's eyes and seeing that they really care about me, and showing them that I really care about them. Like watching Doug do his impressions of all the wierd people in Oxford. Like sharing meals at house church. Like playing silly card games and smashing people's fingers when I try to slap a double. Like seeing the smiles of my amazing friends. Like getting incredible hugs from incredible people that mean the world to me. Yeah, I'll miss the little things.
"What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way"
-NIN (also performed by Johnny Cash)
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