O Brother, Where Art Thou? Oh, Right Here!! :)

Let it be known that I am super-excited to be journeying side-by-side with my little brother once again. Already, our conversations have pressed me forward with a desire to dig deeper, reach further, and let go of things I hold on to. Just being around him reminds me of how much more Christ has to offer me, to us, if we really want it. Maybe it's a new, fresh perspective, or maybe it's just a reminder of an old one. Regardless, I like it. :)

Nothing

The more I live, the more I realize how little I have to give, and how much Christ has to offer. In fact, I am nothing. Christ is everything.

I'd really like to run away right now.

But I can't. Frustrating. Probably good, but frustrating.

I think I'm angry at the fact that there is so much I don't understand, and then I turn that anger into judgments on other people simply because I want them to be perfect in order to make up for my doubts. If I am busy judging their lives, then I don't have to face the chaos of my own.

Stink.

Pondering...

Become them.

"I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some." -1 Corinthians 9

1 degree and dropping

So, before I say anything serious, let it be made known that it is REALLY COOOOOOLD outside! Oh my goodness. Supposed to be -8 tonight, with windchills as low as -24. Eeeeeeeeeee!

Alright, with that out of the way...

I am so thankful for the decision I made to commit to working with Sean. Had I not done this, I really think I would have run away from everyone and everything by now. For some reason, it seems I am better at keeping commitments to THINGS rather than relational commitments to people. The important thing is that I am here, still living life with the people who have chosen to walk with me through it all. All these people around me, they are the ones teaching me about relational commitments, and how to love someone through anything and everything, because that is what they have done for me. I don't understand it, but it is a gift and a small glimpse into how God feels about me and pursues me and loves me in spite of everything.

When I feel I have a grasp on it, I want to be given the chance to show this kind of commitment and love to others. Not sure I am there yet, but I want it. And I know it can only come from the heart of God, through me, to others.

I am at the beginning stages of learning once again what love is.

Today, I was reminded that compassion is not just merely empathy or feeling sorry for someone. It is entering into that pain and suffering with them, experiencing it with them, and being with them. This is part of love.

Love is also commitment, choosing to be with someone and stick by his/her side no matter how awful he/she is, how far away he/she gets, or how much he/she hurts others in the process. People in my life have given me this gift over and over again.

Love is also confession, for in those moments of vulnerability, one takes a risk of being abandoned for the sake of forgiveness and showing remorse and a desire to change. Sharing this with someone is allowing them to come in and see one's weakness, one's short-comings. It is an admission of imperfection and a deep experience of humility. It is the opposite of pride. This is also love.

Lord, keep teaching me, and give me the strength to be this for others, for I have nothing good within me to offer anyone beyond what You give me.