Living Sacrifice

Saturday, May 29, 2004, I don't usually pay much attention to cars at all....not at all really. But, last night as I was walking uptown, I must admit, that for about 5 minutes, I was sucked into materialism as I saw the coolest car I have ever seen.

It was a yellow Lamborghini Murcielago, a $280,000 car. I guess what caught my eye was when the doors electrically opened up like wings on the side.

Now THAT is cool. And it was so funny watching other people’s reactions. I mean, it’s a wonder no one got hurt…..people walking across the street were gawking instead of watching where they were going, and, of course, people in big trucks were looking at the car and revving their engines instead of paying attention. And, to top it off, the fabulous owner of this monstrosity of a car had a bodaciously beautiful babe with blond hair to sit in the car and look almost as gorgeous as the Blond Beauty herself (the car, that is). This guy had it all.

I wonder what it’s like to have everything you want….or what it’s like to be known for what you own. I mean, if I ever got to know this guy, for a while, until I really knew him well, I would just know him as “the guy with an awesome car.” It’d be kind of weird. I mean, what happens when things like that get taken away? What if that guy got in a wreck and his car was gone? Then what?

I guess I’m just going through this to remind myself that nothing is permanent, except my spirit which dwells forever with God. Why store up and put great value on treasures on this earth, when God can take them away any second? Don’t get me wrong….it’s ok to have “stuff,” you just have to be careful about how much of yourself you are investing in that “stuff.” I am reminded of a story Spencer told me about Dave Nixon and how his car was stolen….and he was able to just kind of shrug it off, as in “God gave, and God takes away.” This whole kind of attitude of “I’ll be ok without it.” He wasn’t attached. Sweet.

Even then…..I still can’t help but admire the works of man’s hand on this car. Haha It’s a work of art. But I’ll keep reminding myself that nothing’s permanent….nothing last forever. Even fame and fortune die. But not my spirit and my treasures in heaven.

Thursday, May 27, 2004

Yep, today has been a good day. :) Thank you, God.

I got the peace of running outdoors without being attacked by cicadas today because it was getting ready to rain. Then I fixed some luncharoo and headed over to Vir's, which was awesome. I love hanging out with her. She has so much wisdom and insight. She really helped me sort through some things today, or at least helped me think about them in a different light. Mostly involving relationships. It's kind of weird thinking that my very own brother and my roomie of roomies will both be living within a 10 second walk of me next year, but they will both be married to two other amazing people whom are very close to me. It will put a new perspective on things for me. I know my time will God's time. But sometimes I just get kind of lonely. OK.....oops. TANGENT. haha ANYWAY...back to my day. After chilling for lunch and talking with Vir, I headed to the eye docs where I got meself some new specks, which I would like to say make me look like a bug in this picture:

haha Awesome. I like them just because they are kind of out there and not very typical of me. Maybe I'm turning a new leaf......scary. And I think they are funny. I mean, look at me!! Lol

After that, I had to work, which was cool, because I got to talk with one of my co-workers (Scott) about a lot of societal issues, like how the media affects us, how women and men are portrayed, the underlying messages we receive, and other random things like what I want to do with my life (which I have no clue still).

THEN....Girls’ night! It was a lot of fun….refreshing, to just hang out with some gal friends of mine (well, until Eric came over and broke the whole “femaleness” of the night with his boyness, but that was fun, too). We just went to Kroger and the movie store, rented Cheaper by the Dozen, and laughed. We even took time after the movie to pray after Vir returned from a stressful phone call. That was awesome….I mean, not the phone call, but just being able to pray like that at any time and know that God is listening and that there are others around us who want to seek God with us in those moments. Awesome.

And NOW…..I get to watch my crazy roommate Ellen dance around the room as her, Christi, and I get ready to watch some movie called “Ever After” that I guess must be one of those that makes gurls go “awwww,” because it got that reaction out of Ellen and Christi. Don’t know if I’ll make it through the whole thing, considering that it’s almost 2am right now, but we’ll see.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

This past week, it seems I have spent a lot of time crying and being depressed……devastated almost. Sometimes I don’t know what’s wrong with me, or maybe that’s part of my problem: always thinking that there IS something wrong with me. But anyway, I feel like I need to just take this time to write a list of things I am thankful for, because I have a lot to be thankful for, a lot of things I neglect to remember because I am always so focused on myself. So, bear with me. This list will not be in its entirety….it would be WAY too long. But, even being incomplete, it will be rather long. So, feel free to read it, but don’t feel obligated. I don’t really need anyone to read it. I just need to write it.

I am thankful for:
-My loving God and Savior Jesus Christ
-being alive, being healthy, being able to walk outside and see and hear cicadas, feel the sunshine, breath clean air
-my loving parents (and I could go on and on about them)
-All of the people included in my community of faith, who have supported me and put up with me and allowed me to be real
-Ryan, who makes me face parts of myself that I don’t want to yet need to face, and from whom I learn a lot of life lessons
-music, of all kinds
-Good friends (whom I started to list but feared leaving someone out, so I’ll just leave it at “good friends”)
-A nice place to live, good jobs to make $, an education
-People who feel so comfortable around me that they can fart and know I’ll just laugh
-Places like Hueston Woods, where I can temporarily escape
-Having a car to get me around, and having the money to buy gas for it
-Animals, especially our crazy dogs
-Silence, peace
-Being able to dance in my room with the door closed and know that I can dance freely and sillily and God is the only one who sees me
-Cathy, who offers sisterly love at all times, and with whom I can share and ask girly questions
-My little sister, who shows me that there is still innocence in the world
-My little brother, who always offers encouragement to me just by watching him live out his life
-My big brother, who helped me find the Lord
-My two ultimate roomies, Ellen and Christi, who offer me faith, love, and laughter
-Silly things
-Being able to cry freely
-Being able to communicate with God
-Crazy dreams
-Outrageous things like purple hair
-People of incredible faith, like Vir
-hugs and kisses
-Swimming pools!
-Living in a country where I can express my faith freely
-The Bible
-Instant Messenger, which allows me to stay connected with people
-Ice water after a workout…..ahhhhhhh
-Deep, late night conversations that last until the wee hours of the morning
-marriage (yes. Someday I do hope to be married!)
-instruments with which people can worship and make awesome music

That’s my list for now.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Well, there are a lot of great things going on in my life right opportunities, resolved issues, feelings of peace about certain things, but....

I will be the first to admit that I need help. I'm really struggling in many ways. I've got to learn how to let go....stop trying to control my life......stop being so dissatisfied with myself, because it's destroying me in more than one way.


Lord, help.

Monday, May 17, 2004

There is a first for everything.

This morning, for the first time ever, I was woken up by someone's butt farting loudly right in my face. I must say, Neal Spencer....your butt is the most unique alarm clock I have ever had.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

"Do everything in love." -1 Corinthians 16:14

Saturday, May 15, 2004

"We are and remain creeping Christians, because we look at ourselves and not at Christ; because we gaze at the marks of our own soiled feet, and the trail of our own defiled garments." -George MacDonald

I believe this quote was for me. HELLO KIM. Wake up and smell the reality that the world doesn't revolve around you and your problems.

OK, I feel better. :)

Help me gaze upon your face, oh Lord.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

OK, so I've really been thinking a lot about this summer internship. I interviewed on Friday, and I got the job (don't get's volunteer). It sounds like it's going to be pretty's called the "Rape Crisis" program, and so I will actually be dealing with people who have been raped.....meeting with them at the hospital, taking calls from them, going to the police station with them, etc. I think it will all be pretty overwhelming and maybe even scary, but at the same time, I'm excited to get to help these offer whatever I can. Prayer, encouragement, support...whatever it may be.'s my dilema. Sometimes, rape crisis victims may become pregnant, and (as an advocate) I am supposed to supply them with all options available and let them make their own decisions without giving my opinions to sway them one way or the other (this is a social work term called "Self-determination"). So, if pregnancy becomes an issue in any of the situations, I am supposed to refer the person to "Planned Parenthood." If you know anything about Planned Parenthood, they certainly offer all options, one of those being abortion. So....what do I do about that? One part of me says, "You can't force your beliefs or opinions on them, so you need to let them make their own decision" while the other part says, "Kim, you don't support should you be sending them to a place that offers that as an option? No..." So I'm kind of torn. I've realy been lookinf forward to this internship....for the experience, in depth training, to help me get a job later (this kind of experience is great for resumes), and to be able to help people. It's hard for me to think of giving it up...after the interview and kind of planning some of my summer around it. I don't really know what to do. I guess I could look for another internship, but I don't know that I'll be able to find one.

I guess it comes down to me trusting God to provide for me. I really do need some experience in this field in order to get a good job and just get my hands dirty to understand what I'll be getting into later in my life. If I give this up for Him, then there must be something greater, right? Or do I really need to give it up at all? I don't know........

Thursday, May 06, 2004

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. -Colossians 3:2

Yep, I'm totally done with this semester, and wow, was I going crazy in my car on the way home from my last exam in Middletown tonight. Such a happy time. The next couple days, I will be spending time with my padres in O-town, babysitting, attending a private concert just for me (hehe), helping E move in for the summer (woohoo!), hanging with Tamara, interviewing for a summer internship at the Community House and Crisis Center, visiting Erica's art project with a good friend of mine (my boss! haha), and ending my time in Oxford with a Saturday morning meeting with Glenn, Cathy, and JB. Then I'll be heading to the "Do" for a few days for some quality time with the fam. Yee haw!

The reason I have Colossians 3:2 at the beginning of my blog: I was rummaging through one of my notebooks for the semester and found a page of random scribblings, thoughts, and scriptures, and that verse happened to be one of them. I must confess, the past few days I have found myself very distant from God as I have been digging further into the world of academia....and it's been stinky. I miss Him, and I know my mind and heart have been consumed with earthly things. I'm drowning in them. So, one of my goals for this summer is to keep this verse in mind, and to continue seeking Him thoroughly so I don't become consumed with the consumerism and sexuality of this world. I desire a purity and holiness only my Father can give. Pure heart.......pure God, I love You.

And THANK YOU for the end of this stinkin' semester!!! haha :)