My question of the day:

Is it about being right.....or is it about love?

I recently subscribed to a magazine called "Relevant" which I just happened to stumble upon online one day and decided that since I never really subscribe to magazines, I'd give this one a shot because it looked like it would be up my alley. It was only after I subscribed but before I had received a magazine that I found out that this little magazine was not a hidden treasure but instead is widely known by the Christian culture known as Kofenya. lol So, I was surprised, both pleasantly and yet not so much, to find out that this magazine is actually quite popular amongst the twentysomethings of the Christian generation. But regardless, it's a pretty cool magazine, and after getting my first one in the mail a few days ago, I am pretty pleased with it. Like any magazine, it's full of marketing ploys, which makes me feel a bit targeted and taken advantage of, but yet.....the marketing is for things that might be "relevant" to my life, so I guess I can't really complain.

Regardless of the constant advertisements for Christian books, CDs, and colleges (and like I said, I do enjoy some of the advertising because I am interested in some of the products), there are some great articles about culture, music, musicians, and faith, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading through them. I wanted to post one article on here because I thought it was good and because it hit me rather hard, but I couldn't find a copy online, so I am just going to type out a piece of it....the part that struck me the most. It's an excellent article titled Longevity, written by Dan Haseltine, the lead singer for Jars of Clay. It's an article about long-lasting relationships (Dan's grandparents specifically), how our "cultural ideas can be poison for relationships," and how we have the tendency become "me, me, me" in relationships. Anyway, here's a little blurb from it that actually made me think for a little while:

"Look at the marriage of Jesus, the one He has been in for eternity, the one with the bride who sleeps around, never listens, disowns, scorns, dishonors, runs away, intentionally proves to be more interested in anything but her husband, is selfish and bears the children of every affair and the scent of every escapade. It was a marriage that killed Jesus. And it was the Gospel that brought Him back to life to love once more. Jesus endures the worst marriage of all. His bride nails Him to a cross, and there are no metaphores to compare His suffering to what we think we endure.

We will continue to search for ways to be apprecaited in our marriages, for ways to be cherished, and if we do not find them, then we leave. Because we are not getting what we want, or feel like we need, our spouse is to blame. We are people who like to move from relationship to relationship, church to church, in search of what fills us, rather than what allows us to fill others. (emphasis mine) But what we think we deserve by way of our cultural cues is quite different from what we do deserve."

After a 5 month blogger vacation, JB is finally back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Well, today ended up being an extention of my birthday. It was great. I thought all that was done and gone, but many really fun and cool things happened today. Josh (one of my employees at the Princess_) brought me flowers when he came in for work. They smell amazing, and I had no idea he even knew it was my birthday. He also bought me dinner (pizza from La Rosa's), which of course was delicious as it always is. I listened to a message today from Burt, during which he sang the happy birthday song to me. :) Doug's MOM came into the theater and gave me a birthday basket full of stuff!!!!!!! I didn't know what to say! And then, to top things off, Josh's Dad brought him a cake to give to me which had a trick candle on it. Wow, we had a blast with that! lol

So, that was my extended birthday. Good times. :) Not to mention the many people who said happy birthday to me today. :)

welp, today (or really yesterday now) was my birthday. And if I remember right, I did the same thing last year, but I'd like to write about my day. I always think that it's not going to amount to much, but it always seems to turn out pretty sweet in the end, so.....here was my day.

It all started at about 3am, when I got home from work and already had two birthday messages on my phone: one from Cathy and one from Lacey. Cathy was so sweet....she was afraid she'd miss me today, so she had to call ahead of time and make sure that she got her happy birthday in. :) Lacey's message was hilarious, because she evidently set her alarm for 12:01am, and so she had just woken up and then called me to leave me a message because she wanted to be the first to wish me a happy birthday. Man, I love her so much.

I came home to find the DVD Crash on my bed with a card made by the one and only Spencer. He's so good at giving gifts. He always knows just the right thing to get somehow.

Today I also got to talk to Vic with whom I haven't really spoken for a little while.....he wished me a happy birthday and sent me an e-card. It was awesome.

Daddio drove all the way to Oxford to visit me. Now, I wasn't feeling all the hot today as far as my health (some kind of cold or sinus thing or something) so I was pretty groggy and slow and lazy while he was here....so I hope he didn't interpret that as me not wanting to spend time with him. But regardless, we got to go out to eat at Bob Evans and spend a little time together. He also brought me a little arrangement of flowers that are beautiful. AND....he brought me a box full of stuff from Mom (shampoo, cleaners, hair gel, etc) and also a nice card, letting me know that they are going to continue to pay my cell bill for another year as a present. SWEET (because otherwise, I don't know that I'd have a cell phone! lol).

JB came over and gave me a card and gift.....a camera bag!!!! Yay! So now I don't have to worry about damaging my awesomely awesome camera which he and Andrea gave to me for graduation. I'm really excited about it. :)

In the mail today, I got a card from Grams with $$ (yessssssss!) and also a card from Ian, who I don't think even knew it was my birthday and was just doing something nice for me.....he sent me a sweet CD in the card, too. And the card was hilarious.

I got to talk to Lace and Mom on the phone briefly, which was cool.

Kara called and sang to me on a message. Amazing.

J and Andrea came in to visit me at Kofenya. I loved that. It's always nice to have people come visit me at work, especially when they are related to me. It was Jason's first visit to Kofenya. I think he liked it.

Doug came in to visit me at Kofenya, and then it turned 12:01am, which is when I decided to tell him that it was my birthday but now it wasn't and that he missed it. lol I felt bad then, because I think I made him feel bad for forgetting, and then 45 minutes later he showed up with a cake and a present. awwww........then I felt even worse. BUT.....he got me a new tennis racket and balls!!!! And the cake was Darth Vader. Yessssss! lol He did tell me that he was planning on getting me a new tennis racket anyway on Monday so we could still play, so then I didn't feel quite so bad. Plus, he said he would have felt even worse if I hadn't said anything and he found out later that he missed my birthday. So, then I didn't feel too bad at all. And he sang to me, and got my co-workers to sing, too. Embarrassing. :) Oh, and he gave me a funny card.

And finally, I came home to my computer to find that Micah instant messaged me, so I got to talk to him for a little bit, and he wished me a happy birthday and said he will call me tomorrow so we can chat for a bit. I'm elated. :)

So, it was an awesome birthday. I had to work, and I didn't feel well, but it still turned out to be great. I'm so thankful for all the people who love me and surround me (and this includes many more people than just mentioned in this blog). A great day. But now I need to get to bed so I can get up and work my 12 1/2 hour shift at the theater. Ewwwwwwwww! lol Nite.

Well, it finally happened. After many many times of being warned by friends and family, someone finally stole from my car. It happened sometime between 3am this morning and 2:30pm this afternoon. So, I have finally been given a reason to lock my car and not trust people, which really stinks, because I liked feeling safe leaving my car unlocked. I had several tennis rackets in the back seat, most of which were Spen's, as well as a couple bags for the rackets and some balls, all of which were Spencer's. My church offering money was also stolen, which I keep in the arm rest between the seats so I can put my money in there as soon as I cash or deposit a check so I don't forget. I'm assuming it must have been some younger kids, because they didn't bother stealing my check book or my car (my keys were in there, too). Now, if all of the stuff stolen was mine, I wouldn't mind so much. But, the money belonged to the church, and the most of the tennis stuff belonged to Spencer, and so I feel a responsibility to pay it back. I don't know......I mean, it all happened because I was irresponsible. I told Spen I want to pay him for his rackets and stuff, but he won't let me. Then there's the church. I don't know if I should pay more money to the church or not. I'm still thinking about that. I don't really know how to feel right now. I feel kind of disappointed and a little frustrated, but I suppose some good can come of it. God can work the situation. I'm just trying to figure out what my role in all of it looks like. I'd like to pray that God would convict whoever did that to the point that they turn themselves in, which if God desires that, could definitely happen, and I would have a chance to show grace and mercy to the person. I'd even let them keep my racket just as long as they returned the money and Spencer's tennis stuff. But, all of that is very unlikely. So instead, I am just going to have to start locking my car. Stink.

Worked both jobs today.....close to 13 1/2 hours. And it occurred to me.....I have two of the coolest jobs in the world. I mean, I don't think this is really what I want to do for the rest of my life, but they are just really sweet jobs. And when I start complaining or getting down on work, feel free to remind me of this blog. Because....I have two really awesome jobs. ;) And I have awesome friends....and I love my Brothers and Sisters. Don't know what I'd do without the Family God graciously gives to me on a daily basis.

It has occurred to me that there are probably 3 reasons that women have sex before they are married: 1. pleasure 2. personal insecurities (feeling loved, accepted, etc.) 3. feeling like they have to in order to be loved. I never really thought much about the 3rd one until I counseled a girl recently who has been pregnant several times out of wedlock and isn't really interested in marriage. We talked about her life and why she was having sex......and, in different words, she basically told me that if she didn't, then whoever she was with at the time would leave her. It was like she was being told "in order to be loved, you must do this...because that's what makes you loveable." I know all guys aren't like this....I know plenty who aren't like this.....but in her world, that's all that she knows. She knows guys with expectations, and she feels that there is pretty much no other way around it because I don't know if she'd ever met a guy who wasn't like that.

I guess I kind of had several different reactions and thoughts. One, I am very fortunate to know many many guys who don't hold those expectations for women. Two, I wanted her to see that with patience and trust in God, she could find a guy who would love and respect her without sexual expectations. Three, she was about my age, and so it was really cool to be able to talk to her about this....because I felt like we could relate to each other. Four, guys who act like that just stink and really need to see the true beauty in loving a woman instead of "loving" them because they can get something from them.

Every woman deserves to be loved and respected, and I just think that so many don't see it.....they don't respect themselves enough, they settle for less than what they deserve, they don't see how much they deserve to be valued by men...and how much they are already valued by God! It's really a great injustice and a way that Satan is working hard in the hearts and minds of young women...and really, all ages of women. But I know it doesn't have to be that way......because He is greater than the one who is in the world.......and I know He is working.

Well, I was about to blog, but suddenly an extreme wave of tiredness hit, and I think I'll go to bed. So....maybe tomorrow. :)

Note to self: If you are in the mood, write a bit tomorrow about women, expectations from men, and a girl at the women's center.

I don't care what anyone says about U2, I think they are SWEEEEET! I could listen to them all day. Vir lent me her "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" today, and it's fantastic. There's just something about those British bands....Delirious?, Coldplay, the Beatles....they must be doing something right over there. :)

YAHWEH -U2

Take these shoes
Click clacking down some dead end street
Take these shoes
And make them fit


Take this shirt
Polyester white trash made in nowhere
Take this shirt
And make it clean, clean


Take this soul
Stranded in some skin and bones
Take this soul
And make it sing


Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before the child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn


Take these hands
Teach them what to carry
Take these hands
Don't make a fist, no


Take this mouth
So quick to criticize
Take this mouth
Give it a kiss


Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn


Still waiting for the dawn
The sun is coming up
Sun is coming up on the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean


Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, tell me now
Why the dark before the dawn


Take this city
A city should be shining on a hill
Take this city
If it be your will


What no man can own
No man can take
Take this heart
Take this heart
Take this heart
And make it break

I went to a funeral today. It was for McKenzie's grandpa (my Little). I'm really glad I went, for several reasons. One, I think it meant a lot to their family that I was there. Two, funerals are good things in the end, because (if the person loves Christ) the funeral means the continuance of life into something so much greater than we could imagine here......and to be reminded of eternity with God is a great and awesome thing. Three, funerals make me think about life (as I think they do for anyone) and what it's all about.....and that it ends at any time God pleases.....and that it is not a thing to be taken for granted. As someone dies, it seems that life becomes more real to those who are still living. It's an interesting phenomenon, and one that I think is needed sometimes in order to help people grow.

Today, I also got to talk to Leigh, who is one of the most amazing people I know. I haven't talked to her since probably last spring, and she just happened to be walking by the theater and saw me....so we chatted for a while. I am so happy for her...life just seems to be great in many ways for her right now. She has SUCH a cool story about the guy she is dating right now. She had been praying for him for like FOUR years to find Christ (not out of selfishness, but out of love for him, as she does for many people), and just last spring, he accepted Christ, and Leigh was just going on about the drastic changes that have taken place in his life. And I mean DRASTIC. Nothing short of something only God can do. And now they are dating each other, something she hadn't necessarily forseen....and it's just so amazing to see how things have worked out for the both of them because they are being diligent in following God. He is surely blessing them in so many ways, and I was just overwhelmed with excitement for them. And I was just excited to see Leigh! :) So.....I guess I am now going to a Talawanda football game on Friday to hang out with her and Mike. haha I haven't been to a high school football game since probably my junior year in high school. So it should be a lot of fun. Well, I know it will be fun, because Leigh will be there! :)

Oh yeah....that means I won't be having a cookout here. Sorry if anyone was planning on coming at all. I hadn't decided for sure what I was going to do, and since this came up, I think I'll grab the opportunity. I should probably get out of this apartment for a nite anyway. God knows I need it. :)

OK, so a guy just came to the door from Ohio Citizen Action......I answered the door before I remembered that I had white stuff on my face for acne......and I remembered as soon as I saw the guy's face, because he kind of reacted funny. *laugh* I decided to just continue the conversation with my white spots on my face as if nothing was weird or unusual, and then I gave him $5 and signed a petition or something, and he was on his merry way. I figure I gave him something to talk about with his co-workers later or something. *grin* Yeah. It made me laugh.

I simply want to write about my cool day today.

First, I got to go to Vineyard and experience a service there for probably about the 4th time ever. I really like that church, and the message today was cool.....it was about pursuing your God-given dream, and not settling for less that what God has planned for you. But, as one guy put it, it means being "willing to trust God beyond what is rational." Do I? Ha, no way. But I can work on it. I like the idea, because I know what He has planned is so much greater than the plans I have for myself. As far as my God-given dream, I'm not really sure what that is yet, but I can explore that as well.

After that, I watched as one of my new friends from Kofenya was baptized in a pond behind the Vineyard. Pretty sweetness, to see the connections between the people there and to be reminded of the importance and really just the utter awesomeness of what it means to be baptized into the family of God. It was a beautiful day for it, too.

Later, I of course went to church again at Veritas, which was really nice tonight especially....there seemed to be a refreshing feel to it tonight, or it could have just been me. I don't know. But I know Ken and his family always put a new perspective on things....it's so nice to have kids around. They just add another element to church and family that nothing else can add.

I then got to talk to Oklahoma Micah on the phone, which was awesome as always, and then we talked for a while on IM.....and through conversation, I once again was made aware of the fact that I need to work on self-depreciating thought patterns. I kept thinking that Micah didn't like me or that I did something wrong, so I kept asking him, but I finally realized that it has nothing to do with Micah and all about me and how I perceive myself and situations. We had a good Godly talk about it, and I was reminded that I really need to fix how I view myself, not just for my sake, but for the sake of the people who love me and care about me. Workin on it! :)

And finally, my boss (Doug) is here staying the night with Spen and I....our first official guest to stay in the guest room!!! It's pretty exciting, and we shared a lot of laughs and stories tonight. I felt kind of bad, though, because I think I got so excited about him coming that I kind of freaked him out by overwhelming him. I asked him on the phone if he wanted me to fix something for him for dinner, and then I asked him what he wanted for breakfast. I didn't really think much of it, because that's just what I like to do and what I would do for anyone, but Spen pointed out that I better cool it because I am probably freaking him out. Which, after Spen said that, I realized that I probably was. Spen said "Just be yourself," but I was like "I WAS being myself!!!" So, I guess I freak people out. lol Cool. No, just kidding. But, I did learn something.....that I have hung around Christians so long who are so willing to share homes, food, and relationships that I forgot what it's like to be outside of that kind of connection and community.....that it might appear to be a bit "freaky" for someone to offer to cook you a meal and make you breakfast. I'll have to keep that in mind.

So, it's been a great day. It might also have to do with the fact that I didn't have to work today, either. lol Regardless, I enjoyed the day and I feel revitalized for what tomorrow may bring.

There are way too many spiders in our house. I really need to call the landlord and get the holes under our front door fixed. :) Spiders crawling beside me on my computer cords is just a little too close for comfort for me. I can handle on the walls and in the corners and all that.......but right next to me?? "Along came a spider and sat down beside her".......*laugh* I guess I'll have to start eating curds and whey (what is that anyway?!?!)

Yeah, it's been a long nite. hehe Time for bed. But hopefully be looking for a sweet post tomorrow, because I think it's going to be a sweet day.

Well, I was almost finished with a really depressing blog about myself because I've been low, low the past couple days, but when I got up to use the restroom, I turned on the bathroom light and blew a fuse....then when we turned the breaker back on, I got a call from Liz at Kofenya saying she needed my keys to lock the place. I think the fresh night air and getting out of the apartment for a few minutes helped me clear my head, as well as a few laughs with Liz and Megan. Anyway, I decided that my blog was much of the same as usual, and I really don't want this to be a depressing blog if I can help it, so...there will be no depressing blog tonight. I do have, however, a John Mayer song that fits my life well right now I think. I would imagine that's why I like him so much right now....he sings a lot of songs that are especially relevant to my age group. So, I'll just put the lyrics up here and leave it at that. Peace.

"Why Georgia"

I am driving up 85 in the
Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom
4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind

Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
Wood in places to make it feel like home
But all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul

Either way I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

So what, so I've got a smile on
But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down

Everybody is just a stranger but
That's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
Still "everything happens for a reason"
Is no reason not to ask myself

If I am living it right
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

I was so excited today that I used my little grill and made one of my favorite dishes: salmon. MMMMMM! I was so happy, I had to take a picture. lol Because Spencer says he doesn't like salmon (I think he'd like MY salmon), I kept as much salmon stink out of the kitchen as possible, which also meant eating it outside. But that made it all the more wonderful. :) It was all very serene and relaxing. A moment of rest during a busy day.

I've decided that I love taking pictures. I can see now that it is a form of art, and although I am not very good at it, I find it fascinating. McKenzie (my Little) and I took an adventure to the Formal Gardens today to take a few pictures. We took turns taking pictures of flowers and such, and then took turns taking pictures of each other. It was a blast. Here are a couple pics I took of flowers:




And here is the beautiful McKenzie. Let me add that most (if not all) of these pictures were taken without her knowing. I kept trying to get her to do poses, some silly and some just cute or fun, and in between poses and discussing poses, she would get all goofy or make faces at me, and that's usually when I took the pictures. hehehehe

I worked my first night as a manager at Kofenya last night.....it went pretty smooth I'd say. I enjoyed it, though I was a little tense and stressed out since it was my first night. But, I got to work with two really cool dudes, and it was nice for a change of pace because I've worked with all women at Kofenya so far. They were really hard workers, so I was glad to have them around. When we had some down time, Adam, one of the dudes working with me, looked at me and said, "Can I hear your testimony?" haha It was so weird....I haven't had anyone ask me that in a long time. And it wasn't like he was trying to be all like "Christian" or whatever, but you could see in his eyes that he was genuinely interested in my story, and excited to hear about what God was doing in someone else's life. It was refreshing to have someone be that interested in my life. And I know it wasn't because he's "interested" in me, either, because he has a girlfriend that he adores. So, that was just really really awesome. And....he's getting baptised on Sept 11, exactly a year after he accepted Christ, and so I'm going to do my best to go to his baptism. I'm totally excited, because it's also been a while since I've seen one of those.

In a lot of the people who work at Kofenya, I can see a genuine excitement for Christ and His Kingdom. I mean, as any Christian can, I think we get caught up in being "cool" and liked and accepted, but a lot of the people there at Kofenya are nice and smiley not because they are being fake, but because Christ is really shining through them. I really love it. When I see people like that, it makes me realize what a dark spot I have been in for the longest time, and it makes me look at them and say "I want that." It makes me hungry for God. It makes me want to change. It makes me want to seek Him and His glory.

I think this is where God wants me for now. I need this.