Living Sacrifice

Friday, November 26, 2004

It's been great being home. Great food, free laundry, wonderful family, comfy couch. What else does a college student need? :)

Little Lace gave me a complete makeover today. She fixed my hair and beautified my face with make-up. hehe She did a wonderful job, so I had to post a pic on here. She's got to be the nicest person I know...such a sweet heart. Sometimes I find myself getting a little jealous of her innocence and compassion. She's so amazing.
Anyway, here's the pic of us:

Curly! hehe I love her to death, and sometimes I worry about her. I know high school is hard. She seems to be doing great, but I can't tell when I'm 150 miles away most of the time. I just have to remind myself to trust that God has her surrounded with His love and everything is in His control. I know she'll be just fine! I just love her so much and want her life to be perfect, though I know it can't be. There's no one like her in the world...not even close. I always find myself bragging about her. And it's not a performance know, like I was with sports and school and whatever else. It's just in's the way she is. She blows me away. :)

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Good to be home again. The drive home was dark and yucky, but I had about 3 hours to just think about things. I have several things on my mind, so I'm going to try to tie them all together for one blog. hehe

First of all, I was listening to all different types of music in the car, and it made me realize what a passion I have for music. I'm not really great at any one instrument, but I love to play just about anything, and I can listen to whatever you put before me (unless it's full of cuss words and dirty stuff). I don't really know what to do with that....I always said I was jealous of people who had a passion and knew exactly what they wanted to do with their lives and that I had no direction and no goals and no passions. But, truth is, I do have a passion...two, in fact. The main one, of course, is Jesus, and the other is music...but I don't see making a career out of either..they are just parts of my life, and so I still have no goals or direction. lol

Anyway, with the music thing, a few songs came on that reminded me of specific times with specific people, and I just couldn't help but smile. I love how music can do that...take you back in time to some great memories. Also, I noticed a theme in most of the music, regardless of style......LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS. Funny how that always seems to come up in music....maybe because it seems to be the revolving point of life. We all seek love and relationships. Guys were singing about how girls hurt them, or how they couldn't live without her, or how she was the purpose of his life. I didn't pay much attention to the girl songs, and in fact, seems like guys dominant a lot of the music realm anyway.

OK, so tying in with the relationship thing and also with memories of the past from the music, I started thinking about all my relationships I've had with guys. I've dated quite a wide variety, from the sweetest, most gentle to the hard-butt, wrestling type. Funny thing is, in almost every single relationship, I have been the one to terminate it. I've been trying to figure out what that means. I've thrown away some incredible relationships. Underneath everything, am I afraid of committment? Or am I afraid of allowing someone to know me completely? I don't really know. I get in the relationships, then I get out. hmmmmm. I really do want to have a husband someday....I have a desire for relationships. But I can't make things work, or I can't do the right things. Then, somehow, all of this always comes back to my self-image. Seems like everything does that somehow. Somehow. I just can't seem to get away from it. Wherever I go, BAM! There it is again.

So, anyway, I'm sure this isn't the best blog I've ever had, but it's kind of like my mind right now....full and jumbled, non-linear I guess you could say. Some themes, some randomness. Guess that's me. :)

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Oh my goodness. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. What a great feeling. :) Had prayer and worship tonight, and by about 2am, everyone had left except Bill and Darren, and they both stayed around until 4AM telling me hilarious stories. It was awesome. Wish I could laugh like that more often. But then again, I wouldn't cherish it so much if I did it all the time......

Praise God for fun things and laughter. :)

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Ran into Mrs. Shaina Horner today....who is quite pregnant!!!! hehe It was awesome to see her. She seems to be doing really well...the same smiley Shaina.....just a little bigger around the waist-line! :) Beautiful as ever. I miss her bunches.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

I don't really know how to describe today. I'm thankful for the good things in it, because it certainly had some crazy, stressful, frustrating, and self-confidence destroying events. Allow me to tell you about my day. :)

Started off the day by reading a bit, then I went to pick up McKenzie to go out for lunch and see a movie. Which we did, and it was fun, although I think The Incredibles was too long and involved for her. Then we came back to my place to check out Auggy and so she could see my apartment. While we were hanging out, I got a phone call.....Doug called and said Scott needed help with the platters on theater #3. So, with McKenzie, I rush into the theater, try frantically to fix the machines (to no avail), and so waste 30-45 minutes of time while McKenzie waited patiently for me. Then, we go outside to leave, and my car won't start (this must be the 10th time in the last 2 months that I've had to jump my battery? Ummm, yeah, probably need one, along with new locks, new trunk pop button, new back speakers, new back lights, oiled clutch, and probably a host of other things....maybe a new engine! lol Just kidding, I hope). So, we jump start the car and I take McKenzie back. When I drop her off, I ask her if she'd like me to come inside, to which she responds "No, bye Kim." Definitely left me feeling kind of worthless and not good enough. What did I do wrong? Why can't I do anything right? Then, it's almost time to go into work (again), so I go in, facing a projector not working and having to cancel our biggest show, emergency passes, refunds, then hearing a horrid noise from another projector (thinking I'd have to cancel another show, because this noise has meant repairs in the past) which turned out to stop on it's own (miraculously) the way, by this time, I'm on the verge of tears......I went and bought some fuses to try to fix the platters, which didn't work, then I had to move 2 movie reels and one platter in order to make the 9 o' clock set work, canceling one show in order to allow another one to run, changing lenses and disks and things. The only thing that kept me sane was my co-workers, who crack jokes and keep me smiling. I'm thankful for them.
It was probably one of my worst nights at the theater. But it all worked out ok. By the 9 o' clock set, I was feeling better and a little less stressed. And by the very end of the night, I was totally blessed. I came home not only to a loving doggie, but to two of my bestest buds, Eric and Christi, chillin' on my couch. It was wonderful. And now, I feel pretty darn good. :) A happy ending to an interesting day. Whew.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

I know I told this story in church, so if you were there, this will be redundant. But I want to write it out so that later, when I am doubting that God really cares or loves me, some nice person out there can say "Kim, go read your blog from the 10th of November in 2004" (and they'll know the exact date, of course).

I don't often see the little things God does for me. That can be a result of two things: 1) God seldom shows little ways of loving me or 2) I don't pay attention to the things He does. My best bet is on #2. As you can probably tell by reading through my blogs over the past months, I am often caught in my problems, and I think this blinds me from how God reveals His love to me....just to me, little me.....God takes time for me! It's rather amazing if I sit and think about it long enough. But usually, I'm too busy...too busy working, studying, dwelling on my own self-pity, getting mad at people for bad reasons (I might blog about that later).

But ANYWAY, all that said, I have to tell a little story that blessed the begeebies out of me. I was talking with a friend on Friday night during a little snack break from prayer and worship. Some how, we got on the topic of vacationing, and I knew he had lived in CA for a little while, so I told him what a lot of my friends probably already know: I've always had a desire to go out West, but just never have. This guy also has the gift of prophesy, which is really awesome and I should blog about that sometime, too...but anyway, not to over-spiritualize the situation, but he said simply and causally, more as encouragement to me, "You'll get to go someday." I didn't think much of it, but I did appreciate his words and I didn't forget what he said.

OK, so here's the cool part. Within 12 hours of that conversation, my mom beeped me and said that her and my dad wanted to get me a graduation present, and they said they wanted to get me a trip out West to CA!!!! Oh my.....I was just about speechless, and then I had to laugh. I was so happy! It was like God was saying "I hear even the smallest, simplest desires of your heart," and like any father would, God the Father wanted to show His Daddy-ness to me by blessing me and making me happy. It was great. I talked to my mom about it. I am so excited about their gift to me, because not only is it a gift from my parents, but from God as well.

I don't deserve His love. But He gives it anyway. I don't deserve my friends and family. But I have them. And I certainly don't deserve a trip to CA, but God willing, I'm gonna get it in June! :) Still working out the details, but I'm really excited. Right now, looks like 10 days with the fam, staying a couple days in several places, including LA, Yosemite, San Diego, and Lake Tahoe, with some redwood forest visits and a few other places. After that, 'rents and fam go home while I get to rent a car for a week and drive wherever I want. Might be driving home. Haven't decided that yet. But either way, I'm looking forward to both parts, being with fam and traveling CA and then being by myself to drive and be crazy and go wherever and do whatever I want. Great time to be with God, too. Maybe I'll go hiking for a couple days at some different places out West and then fly back home. Not sure yet. Suggestions are welcome, especially if your name is Ian and you've recently been around the entire US to all the cool places. :)

I'm such a screw up, but God is so cool, and His love is awesome and endures FOREVER. For me. :) And for you.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

What makes a guy hot (tssssssssssssst!)

-Cries semi-frequently or frequently
-Isn't afraid to do "girly" things and doesn't fear being de-masculinized
-Loves Jesus
-Is a bit on the nerdy side
-Wears clothes from Salvo or Good Will
-Likes the outdoors
-Plays an instrument (or two or five)
-Listens intently with compassion
-Isn't afraid to give true opinions
-Is honest at all costs
-Has a spirit of service and humility
-Likes to dance around wildly
-Smiles a lot
-Likes to be spontaneous
-Isn't overly concerned with $
-Likes randomness
-Enjoys talking
-Walks to the beat of a different drummer (doesn't worry about fitting in)
-Loves to be spontaneous (e.g. go running barefoot in the rain)
-Is forever a child

*laugh* :)

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

This has to be one of my first memories.....19 years ago, standing around a white crib in our middle room, gazing at the little ball of yellow fuzzy pajamas and new-born flesh. Yes, 19 years ago, a perfect little miracle happened. My little brother, and I remember staring in that crib with so much excitement and amazement. And I still stare at him with excitement and amazement. My amazing brother. Neal Spencer. Happy Birthday, Spenny! :)