Well, I had to return A Severe Mercy to the library, so no more quotes for now until I can someday hopefully buy a copy.  But, life is still plugging away, and I find myself somehow staying busy....just a lot of random things going on: trying to keep track of the women's center stuff, dealing with weddings, working, house/dog-sitting, babysitting, putting together/practicing worship music, hanging out with peeps, composing music.  All good stuff. 

I really liked Spen's blog from Tuesday (http://spendr.blogspot.com) about being a nobody and worrying more about the lost than boasting about the good works we have done (or, I think it could also be worrying about our own personal stuff rather than people who need Love).  Once in a while I feel for the lost.....I long for them to find Love and Truth.  But not very often, and definitely not like I should.  I'm usually too worried about my life and what I can get out of every situation.  Selfish ambition.....I believe that is how my state-of-mind is labeled somewhere in the NIV New Testament.  Certainly something I need to work on.....or really, something I don't think I can necessarily change, but rather something I need to hand over to God for His working.  Because no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get rid of selfish thinking patterns. 

Anyway...check out Spen's blog.  It's good stuff. 

Got another one from A Severe Mercy:
 
"The fact that he, like Peter and Lew at Oxford, was a physicist and a Christian led me to formulate a theory as to why so many physicists -I knew of still others- were committed Christians.  The theory went like this: The non-scientists say, well, we don't know the answers, but the scientists do; and the scientists who are not physicists say, well, we don't know the answers either, but the physicists do; and the physicists know that they do not, in fact, have the ultimate answers and, accordingly, turn to Christ who does." 
 
Hehe.  I like that one.  The smarties are smart enough to know that, really, they know nothing, and yet....that God knows everything.  Sweet. 
 
Other notes: went to Cedar Point today with Ryan.  What a blast!  Not only did I get to ride some of the coolest rides on the planet, but I got to spend time with one of my favorite friends, one that I haven't seen in a while and have missed a great deal.  Lots of smiles, laughs, and...well, sneezes.  hehe  Just something about that boy makes me crack a smile like no one else can.  Especially when he wears a cowboy hat.  Yee haw!  *grin*  I love it.  The ONLY one in the entire park wearing a cowboy hat.  Awesome.  I'm sure it'll be a new Ohio fad in the near future.  I'm sure of it.  :) 

WOW....Tonight I saw the most INCREDIBLE SKY I think I have ever seen. I was afraid I was going to get in a wreck as I drove out to some country roads to get a better look because I couldn't take my eyes off of the beauty of it all. It was amazing....can't even describe it. And it's kind of funny, because I don't usually get all that excited about nature. I mean, I can appreciate it, but it doesn't really arouse much in me except a nice comment like "oh, how pretty" or something. But tonight, I literally stood in awe at the sky. It was cool. And I even took a few pics, though I know they won't do it justice, and I won't have them for a while because it's a throw away camera, not digital. However, Glenn did get a pretty cool pic of one part of the sky.

Today, I also got to pee at the same time as Zoey, which of course is pretty exciting for a 2 year old. She sat on her little pot and we stared at each other. haha Yeah, ok, TMI, but whether we were peeing or not, it was still cute.

To end the blog, here's a part from A Severe Mercy that I thought was pretty cool. It's a letter from C.S. Lewis to the author (who at the time was contemplating accepting Christ, but couldn't quite get himself to do it because he kept doubting.....he mentioned how he wished he could believe, but then he kept thinking that he couldn't. So here was one thing that C.S. Lewis said in the response letter to him:

"It is quite clear from what you say that you have conscious wishes on both sides. And now, another point about wishes. A wish may lead to false beliefs, granted. But what does the existence of the wish suggest? At one time I was much impressed by Arnold's line 'Nor does the being hungry prove that we have bread.' But surely, tho' it doesn't prove that one particular man will get food, it does prove that there is such a thing as food! i.e. if we were a species that didn't normally eat, weren't designed to eat, wd. we feel hungry? You say the materialist universe is 'ugly'. I wonder how you discovered that! If you are really a product of a materialistic universe, how is it you don't feel at home there? Do fish complain of the sea for being wet? Or if they did, would that fact itself not strongly suggest that they had not always been, or wd. not always be, purely aquatic creatures?"

Interesting. Of course! We all have an inner longing to belong, to be loved, a feeling that we don't fit in...that we don't belong here. We feel out of place, out of time.....because we are made to be ETERNAL creatures!! Forever with God! Of course. Doesn't it make perfect sense? Why do we spend our whole lives searching and feeling unfulfilled? Because God created us that way, to have a longing and desire for something greater. We feel it because it is real. Even the pre- or non-Christians feel it, they just might never recognize it for what it is. We belong with God. This life is only the beginning.....of eternity where there is no time and no suffering. AWEEEESOME! :)

Well, I have to skip posting stuff from The Severe Mercy in order to make an annoucement (since it is now public): MRS. SHAINA ROSE HORNER IS HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *grin* hehe Incredible stuff. This girl is younger than I am, and already married and having herself a child. Yes, that's right. Wow. My hat's off to her, and I'm SOOOOOOO excited for her and her husband. YAY!

On other notes, my secret was a SURPRISE bridal shower for my two favorite brides-to-be, Miss Christi and Miss Andrea. Congrats to them, and the party was a hit! Neither had any idea about the party, so that made it even better. The party included blue lights and lots of decorations, food stuffs (with a most excellent punch made by Cathy Johnson.....her first time, by the way...she's a natural), a "how well do you know the brides" quiz, the Newly Wed game (altered slightly), a hilarious scavenger hunt that involved running around uptown in pajama pants and doing funny things with boxer shorts (pictures to come later), late-night Sundaes, lots of presents, lots of laughs, sleeping bags and pillows, and pancakes for breakfast. If I had more money and a lot of time to blow, I'd have parties like that more often. :)

A few thank yous in case these people read my blog: Thanks to Mom, Dad, and Lace for helping me get ready yesterday, to Cathy for punch and coffee, to Cathy and Ashley Taggart for drving all that way!, to Jason and Eric, who helped pull this whole thing off (couldn't have done it without them), to Ellen for putting up with the mess, to Shaina for sacrificing her first night away from home without her husband, to Andrea and Christi, who were so much fun and put up with all of our silliness, and to God, who makes marriages so symbolic, wonderful, and beautiful, and who created Love itself.

It's been a while. Sorry! I've been pretty busy, doing some secret planning for something which I cannot reveal until after tomorrow night (and don't worry, I'll have all the details!), and also working about 45+ hours this week. It's been pretty busy and tiring. But regardless, I'm up at 2:10am just thinking about things. I wanted to blog about a book I have been reading called "A Severe Mercy" by Sheldon Vanauken. It's really touched me so far, probably because it's not a fictional book....it's a real life, true love story of two people falling for each other, getting married, and then their journey together to research Christianity and eventually discover Christ. I can't explain how amazing the book has been for me to read....I think partly because I seem to notice myself turning into a "woman," or rather, finally beginning to accepting my femaleness as God created me to be female, and also because I think I am hopelessly longing to romantisize everything in my life right now. lol Anyway, so far, it is a beautiful book, and the author is also a poet, as well as his wife, so he has poetry they have written for each other inserted in the book, as well as corresponding letters between him and his friend, C.S. Lewis. I also think the book is so amazing because it is such a documentation of two pagans (as he even calls he and his wife in the beginning of the book) loving each other and then discovering the greater love of Christ. It's AWESOME! I might even devote my next few blogs to some sections from the book, and maybe make a few comments on them.

For starters, here's one:
"So, if he wanted the heights of joy, he must have, if he could find it, a great love. But in the books again, great joy through love seemed to go hand in hand with frightful pain. Still, he thought, looking across the meadow, still, the joy would be worth the pain - if, indeed, they went together. If there were a choice - and he suspected there was - a choice between, on the one hand, the heights and the depths and, on the other hand, some sort of safe, cautious middle way, he, for one, here and now chose the heights and the depths."

This just got me thinking about what love really entails. Our love for others IS joy to us, but yes, loving someone also means getting close and getting hurt. But, love endures, and it is worth the pain. And, in a sense, God's love pains us, too, but not because He hurts us. Instead, our love for God and His love for us causes us to feel pain because we suddenly live in the world but not of it. We have passions for God's creation, and it pains us to see it breaking. We ache with sorrow for the lost, and we struggle with burdens of temptations. All this because we choose the Great Love. But, it's all worth it. The depths are worth the heights. Definitely. Hopefully more to come from a book I actually WANT to read!!! :)

I'm secluded in the basement of Mark and Kristy's house as I house sit for them, and tonight, I just feel really alone. I feel out in the cold, disconnected, and dead. I am living a life that I don't want to live, yet still trying to make things right in my own strength. It just doesn't work. God is breaking me, and it hurts. But maybe this is what I need, and so I am thankful for the tears and the pain.